Sometimes We Just Need Mommy

My family loves its snacks.

We love all kinds of snacks, from nachos and cheese to gooey chocolate brownies. Of couse, we're all overweight, too, so we've been trying to cut down on the snacks, especially with the kids, to slim them down a little.

So it wasn't a big shock when my eldest asked me for snacks last night, and it wasn't a big shock that I said "no", since we had ice cream in the house already and I was tired.

What was a big shock was that my answer sent him into a sobbing fit.

Now, again, he's nine, so he's long past the crying-when-he-doesn't-get-what-he-wants stage, and has fully entered the "I'll just find a way to get it anyway" stage, so it was odd that he lay across the bed, moaning and crying and shaking his little fist.

But, whatever. I mean, sometimes we all need a good cry, so I was content to say "Sorry, dude." and watch TV. This may sound cruel, but I know what it's like to have snacks withheld, and it really unhinges you for about ten minutes, and then it's over.

But the crying didn't stop.

Eventually my husband went to visit him. For the next fifteen minute as I half-listened, the cries turned into hiccups and lound keening wails. So I went in to rescue him from Daddy, who was apparently only making things worse.

Now, we have a habit of patronizing the kids a bit when they cry, because we do have one cry-baby in the house (not the eldest, though). So when I scooped the 75-lb snot ball up, I was expecting him to kick and fight a little bit and generally be indignant.

What I was not expecting was him trying to bury his face into my chest and start rocking himself. Or him clinging to me with all of his strength like he was lost at sea and I was the only bouy for miles.

So, what is there to do at that point but to sing to the kid? He is obviously regressing for some reason, and must be really upset to hold on to Mama like a 5-ft. long baby.

So I start singing "Rock of Ages", which, as well as being a great song for funerals, is actually a great song to calm people down who are very upset.

Rock of Ages cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee

Well, OK, only the first and last two lines are really comforting in a general way, and the way the last verse starts with: "While I draw this fleeting breath/ when mine eyes shall close in death..." can be disturbing, still the tune is soothing to people who don't associate the song with funerals, and it worked. He stopped crying and just listened.

And we talked a little, but not about anything to explain his outburst. So after a while I just lay on the bed with him in silence, just sort of absorbing his company and letting him absorb mine, and I guess just reminding him he wasn't alone in this big scary world.

And he was calm.

But I still don't know what was bothering him, and why talking with Dad made it worse, because he didn't talk about that at all. And we didn't get to the bottom of why he was angry at Dad for saying "no snacks", but not me, when I was the one who first said it and sent him off to hysterics-land. It was as if he forgot that I started it (sort of).

But somehow I comforted him, and he comforted me, and I didn't realize how lonely I was until he just lay beside me, listening to the air conditioner. Eventually, I had to get up just 'cause I started to feel the need to be alone again, but just that moment of comraderie was amazing. And I think it helped him.

I think it maybe helped him to know there was someone like him in the world, if that makes any sense. A social person who needs other people but who is still a loner.

And I wonder how many people in the world could, like him and like myself, have this moment of wordless sympatico and then let it go because it is finished, without trying to prolong it past its moment or talk it out of existence or whatever. And I wonder if it really helped him or if he cried quietly after I left, as if I had abandoned him or something. And I wonder why he and his father don't get along at all.

He's a complicated little dude.

I don't know if I'm getting across this dual sensation of comfort and perturbation. There was a definite element of uncertainty, but I was absolutely certain that everything was alright when I was with him and when I got up to go.

I think it was simply that despite my certainty that I provided what he needed, since I don't know what the problem was, I don't feel like I have taken any steps to solve it. But it could easily be that the problem was that he felt unaccepted in some way, and me just sitting with him made him feel all better. And maybe me just knowing he needed a Double-huge hug and time with Mommy was enough for him to feel accepted and understood and unalone.

Are we really as simple as sometimes just needing someone to lie next to us and not say anything?

It sure beats getting fat on snacks.