Welcome to 2012!
Yes, another year, finding me still in my gray padded cell.
You know what (as a little aside here)? I like to use the British spelling of gray, "grey", and I'm going to, because it's my blog.
So There.
:-P
Anyway, another year, and I'm still in my gray padded cell called a corporate cubicle (thanks to Harry Potter movies for getting us Americans used to the idea that "cubicle" also means a bathroom stall). But I have made some progress, just not on my poor forlorn site.
So far, this past year, I managed to disentangle myself mostly from the soon-to-be-ex. I feel less pressure from him. I feel less like he is running my life. He's annoying me, to be sure, and in some cases still screwing with me, but he can't touch me. He can mess with my plans, but I'm in a safer place in my head. There are still physical concerns, and there always will be, but it's so much better.
I was re-reading some of my previous posts, and I think it's only fitting to mention how, looking back, I can see me doing so many things just because the Ogre wanted them done that way. I'm glad I make parenting decisions on my own now. I may get advice, but the decision is mine. I like that my kids don't have to be insecure or anxious around me, and that quiet moments of empathy and love just flow around us, just like loud racous moments of laughter. Life is so much brighter and free.
A note on the future (if I can find the "f" key on my keyboard. I don't know what a guture is, but I really want to type it): I am going to work on my writing. I always wanted to be a writer, but thought I could not make a living that way. It is long past me to at least try it. There is no point being beaten down before you even try. That makes them win.
Last year I was breaking free. This year I'm moving forward with my life.
It's going to be great.
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